Ouch!! The Guest List …..
Deciding who will be on your guest list can be stressful for a lot of couples. It can be a very emotional charged process. Lets get your ducks in a row, reduce the stress, and finalise that guest list. First step: planning.
Before we look at ways to create a guest list do the following first.
1. Brainstorm what the key 4 – 6 not negotiable parts of your wedding day are.
· Address these two questions:
[1] What type of wedding do you want: elopement, mini wedding, large wedding?
Elopement = 8 guests
Mini wedding = 10 - 40 guests
Wedding = 40 and over guests.
[2] What is your budget?
Be VERY CLEAR on this. Remember everything you see around weddings wants you to waver and go big and spend heaps!!!
Clarity and decisiveness on the above points, provides the guidelines for your guest list.
NO feeling guilt at this point. Remember its your day, your way except if someone else is helping pay the bills [more to come on this].
Guest list: step one:
Brainstorm / list all the people you think you would invite to your wedding. Everyone! This is your master list; the trimming will start soon.
You may already be feeling stressed and/or guilty about who you have written down. You may be wondering if I have included enough or too many. Remember the following:
· Being invited to a wedding isn’t a ‘right’.
· You don’t have to invite someone just because you went to theirs.
· Rule of thumb: Have you seen or spoken to this person in the last 4 – 8 months? No, do you really need to invite them?
· Create rules or a set of parameters for how you are going to ‘slim’ down your initial list. Try to stick to this list! [see below]
· Keep the lines of communication open with your parents and play fair. [see below]
Creating list “A” and list “B”
List “A”: is considered the not negotiable list / must attend people. They may include any of the following: immediate family members: parents, grandparents, siblings, uncles, aunties, closest friends and significant people. These people are part of your ‘inner circle’; you speak and see them regularly. You need to define what “regularly” looks like for you as a couple, e.g. within 3 months, 6 , 8 or 12 months.
List “B: are those people who aren’t in your “inner” circle but would consider inviting if there is space. These people may include: aunts, uncles, cousins, work colleagues, friends, and people you know through your hobbies, sports, community involvements, etc..
Some parameters for trimming your Guest List down. These are your rules! Get your highlighter ready.
· How many guests can you have at your venue?
· What is your budget?
[Remember your saving for a house, IVF, OE, etc.]
· No children
· Limit the plus-ones and/or not inviting plus-ones you haven’t meet / don’t know.
o Your rule about plus-ones: How long do a couple need to have been together to be considered for the invite?
· Only invite immediate family members.
· Only invite specific friends.
· Not inviting family / friends you have seen in years or don’t see.
· Friends you aren’t close to
· Work friends / co-workers
· Neighbours
· Infamous friends - those unruly wedding guests who’s behaviour is unpredictable
· Friends of parents or in-laws you’ve never met.
· Apply the 3 month rule – haven’t seen them within this time frame? No invite.
· Anyone you are only inviting out of guilt
· What drama will this person cause?
· Will this person make you wedding fun/memorable or NOT?
· Do you have a close personal or family connection with this person?
NB:
Avoid issues, don’t share your guest list.
Put it out there early that your wedding is going to be “small” so your numbers will be limited. Stop the expectations in their tracks!!
Limited numbers? Expect some sting! because everyone loves a wedding.
Once you have done your brainstorming, set your parameters and know the size wedding you are wanting. Talk to your parents. Reduce or eliminate issues by being open, fair, and respectful. If one or both parties want to assist with paying for the wedding, they are probably going to want to invite guests also. Here are some suggestions on making this work.
Set the total number of guests, then choose an option:
The guest list is split in equal thirds between B&G, yours/his parents
The guest list is split 50% B&G and 25% each yours/his parents
The guest list is 80% B&G and 10% each yours / his parents.
Remember that this is your wedding day, and it needs to reflect your relationship. It is important you are being true to yourselves. So, be diplomatic when working with your parents and any issues that may/do arise.
Ok, if you really feel you want to do something for people not invited, here’s some suggestions?
Have an elopement ceremony and the day your way and then celebrate with friends in any way you choose.
You could include live streaming or video the ceremony for people to watch later, say at a BBQ.
Because it is an elopement, they are not at the wedding, but you are having a gathering / reception / party later and they are invited.
Creating a “wedding book” with your ceremony, vows, photos, etc.. for people to look at.
You could hold a surprise party and get married during the event. No room for guest list issues at all!
When the RSVP’s come back. Some people won’t be able to come so you could then invite other people.
